Friday, December 21, 2012

The Life and Times of an Author Extraordinaire!

With the silly season already in full swing I thought I'd treat you all to the excitement that is being me . . . Carmen Jenner author extraordinaire!
I'm kidding, of course. I'm not deluded enough to believe that anybody actually gives a damn about my boring life, but I thought I'd give you a little insight into what goes on in a writer's mind once their dreams start becoming a reality.
For me the long road to having your dreams realised begins with a horror story, a bottle of champagne and a nice steaming hot serve of . . . SELF SABOTAGE!

Sad but true.
I had all kinds of plans for the end of the year when it came to my writing, finish editing the manuscript I've been working on for the last 3 years - yes 3! Don't judge me, I treat myself to all the Judgey Mcjudgeiness I need thank ya very much! - and send said manuscript out into the big wide world.
Truth is none of what I planned went according to, well, plan.

I joined Zombie Fest 2012 with plans to write more on Flint's story in THE UNDEAD REVOLUTION  (a series of short stories about the Zombocalypse I hope to continue and publish here on this site) that didn't eventuate this November, but stay tuned because I absolutely will continue on with this series if people are happy to keep reading it.

Also, in my I've-just-been-published-so-therefore-I-need-to-be-getting-my-work-out-there-as-much-as-humanly-possible haste I signed up for NaNoWriMo, admittedly I only found out about it two weeks into the challenge and thought, "Write an entire novel in two weeks? Yeah, totally. I can do that!" Clearly this was not my best decision, as two days in I'd written less than 200 words and was already exhausted from having to work my brain so hard.
Add to that a mysterious foot injury caused by too much shopping -yep, we really did shop till we dropped. Literally!- that I'm still suffering through and you have the recipe for one steaming cup of "Ermagawd, ermagawd, ermagawd! I completely suck at this writer thing!"

So what does a writer do when they're laid up in bed for two months, they can't find a comfortable position to be in, much less write in, the third edit on their manuscript is calling and the ending needs a re-write and they need to remove at least 80,000 words and their beta reader's have turned in all their suggestions and they have a million other stories taking up space in their heads AND their personal deadlines are fast approaching?
Write another story, that's what!

This is where the self sabotage comes in.
I've spent so long (3 years to be exact) living, breathing, dreaming, stressing over and freaking out about Air and Darkness that I've forgotten what it feels like to just write and love what you're doing.
But even in doing so I'm still self sabotaging by letting that manuscript eat away at me from the corners of my mind while I try to enjoy the new literary baby I'm giving life to.

I've given this a lot of thought in the last few weeks and I've finally come to a conclusion:
yes, I might self sabotage on a daily basis. And yes, I may have taken the better part of three years to complete this novel, it may even take four. And yes, I may cry and throw phones at hotel staff - just kidding, we can't all be Russel Crowe - and fill my head on a daily basis with loathing and self doubt.
who the hell cares?
I'm doing something! And that has to count for something, right?

Live your art through whatever means necessary, because life is short people! We're given proof of that everyday, heart attacks, car accidents, killing sprees, brain aneurysms, aeroplane crashes, auto asphyxiation, falling vending machines, hey don't laugh, vending machines kill 13 people each year!
That's practically an epidemic!

Are you struggling through fear and self loathing bought on by your inner McJudgypants?
Hit me up with your comments so I know I'm not alone!
No really! Please tell me I'm not alone! 

1 comment:

  1. I so love this!! I hope your foot is feeling better!

    I love your writing already! :D